concrete_rose86

Yeah, I never really thought I would journal, but there's so much going on in my head right now, I couldn't really put it off anymore. I need a place to displace the massive amount of ickiness I'm dealing with right now.

My cousin's home from college. I guess I should be happy for her, but I can't help that feeling of resentment. It's mainly because we don't get along and we haven't been bothered to string three sentences together for each other in four years. It's kind of disheartening to be able to sit in the same room with someone who used to be like my sister and not feel the need to say a word to her. I don'tknow what it is, it's just...It just kinda hurts. Then to top it off, her mom and my mom think it's weird that we don't get along and her mother thinks I should speak to her just because she's in a room. I'm so sick and tired of watching everyone up Ashlee's fucking ass, I don't know what to do with myself.

And in keeping on the topic of my family, I'm starting to feel extremely left out of everything. I'm kind of just stuck off in my own little bubble, and this is the first time I didn't actually put myself there. I feel like my family's either ashamed of me or disappointed that I didn't turn out the way they wanted me to. I'm not in school, I don't drive, I don't even have a job right now. I'm going back to school in January, and not at all because I want to. I'm going back to please everybody else because I can't stand the thought that someone is unhappy with me. I don't even like the thought that a girl I can't stand doesn't like me, so you can imagine how I feel about my family situation right now.

And then there's Jason...*Sigh* I just can't win for losing.

I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I feel useless, honestly, above all other things.

All right, well...I'm Courtney (if anybody was wondering). I never actually thought I'd join LJ, but I've become addicted to icons. I really only have this thing because I wanna post my *crappy* icons. Harr harr...

Oh, and I'll probably never really leave a "journal" because I...don't...do anything. Great! Yeah!!!

And Helen's my only friend because only The Helen loves me.